The Great Garden Saturation: Days 10-22

Ugh. Double ugh. Triple ugh!

I may not be killing this garden but it is killing me. You’d think there would be no drama involved, what with the yard being nothing more than a few plants and rabbits. Think again!

A flower that wasn’t there before

Drama #1: The Dead Bunny Fiasco

We have two rabbits. The Big Bun and Nike. We let them out to run on a rotating schedule as they fight when they are out together. It was Nike’s turn to be put back in his cage. Only I couldn’t find him. I hadn’t seen him for two days. It had been in the high 90’s and his water had not been drunk.

I knew he was dead.

The problem with this is that they are my brother Spencer’s rabbits and he is coming home from his mission in two weeks. TWO WEEKS! And the rabbit died on my watch. I was completely distraught.

Per the advice of my parents, I let the Big Bun out to see if he could find the body for me. Low and behold! Nike was out on the lawn, happy as can be. I still have no idea where he was hiding. And they weren’t fighting at all so I decided to let them have a day out together. After all, we haven’t let them out together in years. Maybe they’re too old to fight.

I was right. They are too old to fight. When I got home that night, they were having boy bunny sex. Which is super awkward to watch. And I kept trying to pick up whichever one was on top and they would hop a few feet away and keep going! I was so embarrassed. Finally, I had to poke Big Bun with a stick so he hopped away. Nike was too exhausted from the day’s activities to fight and let me put him back in his cage.

Also, the Big Bun isn’t drinking from the water dish either now that he’s outside. Where are they getting water?? I doubt I’ll ever know.

Drama #2: The Carrot Conundrum

Carrots BEFORE murder

The carrots were growing and it was time to thin them out. I called my sister to ask for advice as I had no idea what to do. Basically, you want to cut off the stems rather than pull out the roots as this distrubs the few carrots you leave in the ground. You want to have one carrot every three inches.

So I murdered about two hundred carrot babies.

It was so sad! I pulled a few of the

stragglers out by the roots, just to look at them. They have a long white root that looks more like a bean sprout than a carrot. They weren’t even orange yet. And then I had to face that fact that this baby carrot will never reach it’s

potential. Who am I to decide which carrots live or die? How do you know which white carrot root has the most potential to be the best carrot? You can’t! That’s how!

Carrots AFTER Murder

Note: I’ve been told I’m being too dramatic about this but I can’t help likening it to judging a book by it’s cover or possibly how my tiny brain thinks the slush pile at a publishing house works. The horror! I don’t want to be judged the way I judged these carrots! How do you know a lovely, lush green top will yield a delicious carrot? Ugh!

So I just have to blindly pick and choose one carrot for every three inches of space and pray for forgiveness from the carrot guardians. The rabbits loved the murder though. They ate all the carrot tops in two minutes flat. Greedy buggers.

Drama #3: The Problem with Heat

So far out of the twenty-two days I’ve been watering said yard it has been in the mid 90’s. This meant that I had to reset the sprinkler system. Should be easy enough. My mom even left me a sheet of her water schedule for reference. So I go outside to the panel and read the handy and helpful instruction sheet next to the box.

I can’t find the very first button it references.

I begin to panic. Why doesn’t the START TIME button exist? It can’t have changed. This thing is ancient. Then I realize I don’t even need that button so I thankfully skip to the next step. Push the SET switch down to PROG. Turn on the days that were turned off (TUE, THUR, SAT). Woo hoo! I did it! I’m fairly sure I walked away with a confident swagger in my step.

And then the lawn starts to die. What did I do? It finally hit 100 degrees for the first time this summer so maybe I need to increase how long the sprinklers water every night? What? WHAT?

And then I remembered. I forgot to put the PROG switch back to SET. So the sprinklers weren’t ever set to go again. This is where I hit my forehead repeatedly.

Drama #4: The Flighty Bird Ejection

Home of the evil Bird

There is a bird. It lives in this bird house. Isn’t it cute?

This bird is evil.

When I’m watering the yard, I can’t heard much since water droplets hitting leaves makes a lot of noise. Inevitably, this bird will decide to “get spooked” by me watering and fly out of the birdhouse when I am least expecting it, thereby giving me a heart attack. He also shrieks very loudly when he does this.

Every time I come out in the yard now, I make sure to walk past the birdhouse a couple of times, very loudly, before I start watering. Does the bird get spooked and leave then? NO. He waits until I have decided that he must not be home before giving a cry of attack and shooting out of his home into the sky.

I’m about ready to buy a bebe gun and shoot the thing.

If there’s anything I learned from this experience, it is that a few silent plants can be more drama than high school girls* ever were.

*Your experience of high school girls may differ
from this blogger, making this statement either
ludicrous or naive. The writer of this blog is not
responsible for your experiences with high school
girls and states for the record that she hated high
school just as much as you did. Probably more.
Don't argue. She really won't listen.